Eat 'em. You bet!

Link Letters

No dog wants shoes. Link has trouble with the cold, but if he had shoes, he'd eat them. No gain.

Bad Neighborhood

Dear Eyeliner,

There's some neighborhoods you should just stay out of when you are out walking. Like around from my house, where they have bag monsters and sheep dogs. What, you are saying? Well let me tell you.

We like to go walking and we were walking around the corner where the crazy dog who wants to eat me lives. You probably think, "Well dopey, this is ALREADY a neighborhood you should just stay out of!" But the crazy dog lives behind a fence and only got out one time and I was brave and my dad made him let go my neck so it's Ok as long as he's inside the fence and we cross the street anyway just in case the fence falls over or something.

So that's not it. We walked by him while he was yelling and we went to the corner and turned down where the street loops and it was dark. This was one night when it was dark. And we walked down the dark and my dad is saying, "I don't like walking in the dark" and I thought my pop's a wuss but he was right. We got to the end of the loop and there it was, right there in somebody's yard. A big lumpy monster just waiting for us. It was being real still so I growled at it to make sure it knew we were ready for scary stuff. It ignored me so I got closer, kind of crouching down, and it just ignored us. "It's just a bag of leaves!" my dad said, which shows how humans are. So it's a bag of leaves. But what's IN that bag of leaves, I want to know. And why is it being so quiet to get us curious?

Well I got closer and waited for it to move. It even smelled like a bag of leaves. You have to be real careful! So my dad made me go away and I growled some more to let it know we weren't scared and we went walking.

So, you are thinking.

Well, so... the next morning we go for a walk and I ask if we can go down the crazy dog street so we can catch the monster and my dad doesn't care so we walk past the dog who wants to eat me and we go on the loop and the monster is gone. There was a real bag of leaves, but no monster but that's not being attacked by a sheep dog that happened next while I was trying to figure out where the monster went I heard "clakclakclak" and I look around and there's a dog running at us with sheep feet. He was small but he had little yellow sheep feet and a buddy who was not small.

So they come running over and the one with sheep feet claks around me and tries to lick my face and I make big eyes at him because he's probably the monster and his buddy doesn't like that so he says, "I'm Sheik, who're you?" and I wag because he is big and my dad drops his phone and talks about poop and the buddy says "His name is Shep." I say, "Hi, Sheep" because I get mixed up and his buddy gets all stiff-legged and the dog with sheep feet is still dancing around and I back up and go around my dad and he's taking out his red spray can that he takes out sometimes when dogs are bad and he turns to get out of the leash but that puts me between Sheik and my dad and Shep is still bouncing around and claking and I understand why cats climb trees. So I go round him again, just to be sure.

We circled and circled, him getting out, me getting behind him, the buddy dog getting pushy and the sheep dog claking, and then this lady came out and yelled, "Princess!" "Angel Pie! What are you doing out of the yard?" That was their human names.

This is the kind of weird question humans ask. Like when my dad caught me finishing the paper I rolled off the toilet paper roll and said, "Where did you get that?" Like, how many places do you keep it? "What are you doing?" They're attacking an innocent dog and his human. AND one of them has sheep feet. That's what they are doing. Need a map? So I don't know if it's Princess or Angel Pie claking, cause they got tutored. But I think Angel Pie is the sheep dog named Shep and I wonder if Princess is named Chick and I got that wrong too.

So we get away, and they probably tell their mom we incited them.

Your fiend,


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