Link Letters

Link got in trouble (who knows for what) and reported it to Eyeliner, who confided that she handles parent trouble by screaming. After giving it some thought, Link replied.

Barking at Evil

Dear Eyeliner,

Thank you for the advise about angry dads, but the basement works best. When he starts yelling at the can opener I think man if the can opener can make him that mad, this is a good time to hang out down in the basement, specially if I can find some nice smelly clothes to curl up on.

So I don't scream at him. I like to sing with howly cars, even if I'm all alone, but I don't like to scream. And barking. I'm really lucky because my dad understands about barking at evil. We have some evil around here lots of times. Like sneaky raccooms that tiptoe under the window cause they think I can't see down there and then I run to the back door and my dad lets me out and boy are they surprised but some barking too before I run. And the guy that sneaks around while my dad is asleep and puts bags of paper on the sidewalk. You never KNOW what might be in those bags, and so I bark and my dad gets out of bed and he says, thank you for telling me but don't worry about him.

Humans are so trusting. I don't know how they get along without dogs to warn them and keep the evil-doers outside where all they can do is take your bones and lick your dish and poop on your grass and stuff. I worry sometimes that a evil-doer might get in, and I'd have to do something more drastic than barking. Some evil-doers are big mothers. Not really mothers, that's just what they say on TV when great big monster evil-doers are around. I don't know why they say mothers because my mother was great big and she could turn an evil-doer into beef stew if he tried anything but never happened and she was nice. She licked me and was nice all the time except the time I bit my brother.

I hope Isa watches for you guys when you are sleeping. Humans are so sleepy. I never saw anybody who could sleep through a raccoom tiptoeing under the window like humans can. I like to listen to the faraway howly cars but I know don't sing while dad is sleeping but I can't ignore the raccooms because that's my job and it's how I pay him back for being my dad.

So say thank you to Isa,

Your fiend,

Link

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